Category Archives: Paul’s Blogs

New Year, New You!

faith-to-succeed-affirmationHappy New Year! I’m excited about and looking forward to 2017.  For me, the start of the New Year means it’s time to clean, refresh and reset the mind and body.  There is no time like the present to become “emotionally fit.”  Check out this article I wrote to get a better understanding of what being “emotionally fit” is: https://affinitycounselingservicesllc.wordpress.com/2015/04/07/keep-your-head-in-the-game/

The main component of this is an “emotional cleanse.” Why an “emotional cleanse?” It’s quite simple. Buried feelings never die. They are toxins and effect every cell in our body. An “emotional cleanse” will eliminate and rid your body from these toxins.  Go here for a full explanation:  https://affinitycounselingservicesllc.wordpress.com/you-need-an-emotional-cleanse/

Once we “emotionally cleanse” and are “emotionally fit” our mind and body work in unison and we can better function at a more optimal level.  Self-defeating, negative subconscious thoughts are easier to overcome and even erased. As a result, our chances are great that those other New Year’s resolutions will get accomplished.

So make yourself a priority and commit to yourself that you will become “emotionally fit.” I promise you, your life will change and you will never look back!

Happy New Year!

Cheers,
Paul

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National Stress Awareness Day

Today is National Stress Awareness Day. It’s ironic but most of us function daily with high stress and are not even aware of it. I like to describe stress as the feeling of having so much to do and not enough time to get it done. It feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Stress affects every cell in our body. Stress makes everything worse inside of us physically and emotionally.

Stress reduction starts with awareness. Once you can identify your stressors you can formulate a plan. A major part of the plan is to decide what is in and what is out of your control. However, this may not be so easy if you are dealing with an unhealthy emotionally self. I believe buried feelings never die and when we have unresolved negative emotions (this makes our emotional self unhealthy), all of these unresolved emotions inside of our body automatically raises our stress level. I have met very few people in my practice who do not have buried negative emotions. Taking a little time, getting temporarily uncomfortable, confronting and resolving these buried feelings will automatically lower your stress and even eliminate stress.

Once these toxins are resolved, the present stress may not seem so intense and may be easier to resolve and take less time to resolve. Also, letting go of the things that are out of your control may be easier as well.#NationalStressAwarenessDay

For more information on reducing your stress in a healthy way and even resolving your buried negative emotions, email me at paulcartone@live.com or visit http://www.justbementallyfree.comEmotional Cleanse Challenge

Loving Yourself!

I love this banner!  A friend of mine posted and I wanted to share.

It’s a great reminder that although you may have a servant heart, you are not a doormat!  Pleasing is living out of fear, fear of rejection, abandonment, losing control…the list goes on.

When you don’t like yourself, it’s difficult to discern living in fear and being a pleaser vs living out of self-love and letting go of outcomes. Fear rules your life. Your “Bodymind” is consumed with buried negative emotional toxins.

When you like yourself, it’s easier to discern and recognize fear based pleasing. The love in your “Bodymind” is there but still covered in toxins that need to be cleansed.

When you begin to love yourself, fear is losing and you begin to feel a state of security and the need for pleasing is losing momentum as well.  You begin to make yourself a priority and start recognizing your needs.  Happiness is generated more internally and not artificially produced by pleasing.  Your “Bodymind” is aligning with your mind and there is less discord.

When you truly love yourself, you’re in a state of incredible self-security and your “Bodymind” is in sync with your mind.  Self-love is guiding you.  Fear no longer consumes you and is returned to it’s place in our logical mind and helps us when needed. The foundation of inner-peace is ever present in our “Bodymind.”  This is the beginning of existing out of your true authentic self!12654562_889235164478149_2330417083512972207_n

Quit Smoking in 2016!

Check out my video “Just Be Mentally Free Minute For Anxiety” on Forgiveness and why not forgiving is toxic to you!

https://goo.gl/wzWpqQ

You can probably tell by my posts about doing an Emotional Cleanse that I am passionate about helping people with their health.  I love what I do because it’s personally rewarding helping people reach their goals.  One of the areas I really enjoy helping people with is addiction, specifically smoking.

Do you or your loved one need to quit smoking? I can help…Check this out!

Quit cigarettes by releasing the emotions which keep you coming back for more…. Stop Starting Now and Remain 100% Smoke Free!

“Break Free Without Cravings Or Gaining Weight, Avoid The Rising Cost Of Cigarettes, Regain Your Health While You Enjoy Giving Up Cigarettes”

Emotional Freedom Technique which is simply the quickest and most effective way to deal with doubts, obstacles, triggers, cravings, concerns, and emotions that most people who are quitting smoking have to deal with.  Not only does this help make the transition to non-smoking easier, it better equips ex-smokers to deal with any stressful situations that may cause a relapse.

EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique Removes The Obstacles Individuals Face When Quitting Cigarettes…

Pills, Gum and Patches…Do These Work?

Honestly, do you know anyone who has ever successfully given up smoking from using any of these methods – Pills, Gums or Patchs? NO !!! … I know I don’t, and I bet you don’t either.  The reason why many of these types of products do not work is because many of them contain the very same addictive drug which is found in cigarettes.  These nicotine based smoke replacement products are part of a cruel roundabout which keeps you coming back for more, and is exactly what the cigarette companies want.  These types of products do not address the reasons why we as smokers maintain the habit.  Not only are we addicted to the nicotine but our subconscious minds are running in overtime as we go about our normal daily activities reminding us to light up a smoke.  Smoking has become such a big part of our lives that suddenly being without cigarettes becomes overwhelming for many people because so many of our emotions are now connected with smoking.  The act of trying to quit also becomes yet another trigger in our subconscious minds, so we are doomed before we start when using these types of nicotine based products.

Emotional Freedom Technique is fast becoming the worlds leading tool to release the negative emotions and limiting beliefs in our subconscious minds, such as the belief, “I cannot quit cigarettes.”

I have 17 years experience using EFT with my clients helping them overcome anxiety, depression, abuse, grief, anger, addictions, negative thinking, the list goes on!

The Smoking Cessation Program includes:

3 sessions (online via Skype, Vsee or in person at my office) $120 ($180 savings)and a 10 Day Cleanse that will help rid your body of toxins and waste ($31.50 plus tax and shipping) (The AdvoCare® Herbal Cleanse system can help rid your body of toxins and waste with its unique blend of herbal ingredients.* Using a systematic approach, this 10-day system guides you day by day through the steps for thorough internal cleansing and improved digestion.* Herbal Cleanse supports the body’s metabolic systems and general health during the detoxification process by helping to keep energy levels up, aiding in removing impurities and supporting the immune system.* Some people who use Herbal Cleanse for the first time experience an encouraging weight reduction and/or reduction in inches when they pair the system with the recommended diet and exercise).

As you probably know (and may have experienced yourself first-hand) it’s one thing to talk about quitting smoking and it’s another thing to make the decision.  Honestly, it can be easier than you think when you make the decision along with the right guidance up front.  Let me help you become smoke free.

If you have questions or want to get started, you can message me here or click on this link:  https://goo.gl/9UP8rL.

In Good Health,

Paul

The Greatest Love Of All

I’m not sure if many people know what this means. To truly love yourself. Alright, some of you men like to bake or like flowers. I like meaningful songs and music that speaks to me. In honor of breast cancer awareness month and what is happening in our country and world, I thought I would write about what this song means to me, “Greatest Love Of All.”

You can be free from feeling guilt, shame, self-doubt and fear! If you want to know how, contact me! I believe this is the most powerful song ever written. The message is clear. If you live in self-love, it is the “Greatest Love of All.” If you are not sure about this concept; to be frank, you’re Emotional IQ is low. It starts with having this awareness and developing your Emotional IQ. Here is a very good article to help you understand Emotional IQ: https://hbr.org/2014/12/signs-that-you-lack-emotional-intelligence. I can also help you raise your Emotional IQ.

When you are there (self-love), you are free from shame and fear. People who are not living in shame and fear live where we think, feel, and behave in a state of presence. We respond to what is around us and not to any previous “programming.” Living in self-love allows you to have the capacity for intimacy. When in our self-love (not fear!) we are able to see people as they are, rather than what we project onto them. We ask for information rather than stay scared and rather than make assumptions. We are able to take the best from the past and using it appropriately in the present. If the majority of the population lived out of self-love, I feel the world would be a different place. Self-love conquers all!

If you are a parent:

Yes, parenting is the most difficult job in the world but with some awareness, self-love is the most powerful gift/principle we can teach and model to our kids. It begins with YOU though! I am not talking about the “Self-Esteem” movement here (filling your child’s mind with so much praise they lack responsibility and have a huge ego). Modeling self-love and building their Emotional IQ will make them far more successful than anything!

“Greatest Love of All” was written by Michael Masser & the late Linda Creed, who wrote the song during her struggle with breast cancer. The words describe her feelings about coping with great challenges that one must face in life, being strong during those challenges whether you succeed or fail, and passing that strength on to children to carry with them into their adult lives.

The song was originally recorded in 1977 by George Benson for the Muhammad Ali biopic “The Greatest.” Whitney Houston recorded the song for her 1985 self-titled debut album.

I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody’s searching for a hero

People need someone to look up to

I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs

A lonely place to be

And so I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows

If I fail, if I succeed

At least I’ll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can’t take away my dignity

Because the greatest love of all

Is happening to me

I found the greatest love of all

Inside of me

The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself

It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

And if, by chance, that special place

That you’ve been dreaming of

Leads you to a lonely place

Find your strength in love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

 

Beware Of This Real Life Drama!

Beware of the “Drama Triangle!” It’s alive and present. It sucks the energy out of you and is very convincing, manipulative and controlling. The Drama Triangle is a model of dysfunctional social interaction, created by Psychotherapist Stephen Karpman. This “Drama Triangle” I am referring to is orchestrated by someone who is in an unhealthy emotional state. They operate in the Drama Triangle bouncing from one unhealthy emotional state to another. There are three unhealthy emotional states that make up the Drama Triangle. The Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. It’s easy to get sucked in. With awareness, healthy communication and boundary setting, you can avoid getting caught in the Drama Triangle and not participate. The person who operates out of the Drama Triangle will see you as the “Bad Guy” but you are actually the “Healthy Bad Guy.” They create misery for themselves and others even though they are not aware of their behavior. See the diagram below.

Drama Triangle
The Drama Triangle is a type of “Game” that people play. The purpose of a Game is to obtain strokes-attention, power, love etc. In a Game, the series of transactions does not result in healthy positive strokes but rather in negative strokes. At any given time, the person can switch roles going from one unhealthy emotional state to the next.

When acting as the Persecutor, the person victimizes other people in order to feel more powerful and better about themselves. They are good at finding fault. The Persecutor can attack aggressively or passive-aggressively. The Persecutor is often an angry resentful person who vents his or her feelings on other people. The Persecutor is critical and was previously a victim. There is a difference between truly being victimized and playing the “Victim.”

When acting as the Victim, the person blames others for their condition, actions, or feelings. Victims in the Drama Triangle manipulate others into feeling sorry for them, or into feeling guilty. They look for someone to rescue them. When acting as the Victim, they believe that they do not have any power over their own lives. The Victim is a person who does not help himself and seeks sympathy and has the “poor me” attitude acting as a “wounded child.”

When acting as the Rescuer, the person looks like the “good guy” who helps others solve their problems. They jump in to fix the situation when someone is struggling. In this state, Rescuers focus on others instead of on themselves, and avoid their own feelings, needs and problems. They make themselves needed so that they will not be abandoned. Rescuers do not allow others to make their own mistakes, deal with the consequences, or feel their own pain. Rescuers often slip into the “Victim” role when their rescuing does not get them what they want. They are usually angry underneath.

The “Healthy Bad Guy” role is the only way out of the Drama Triangle. She or he looks like the bad guy to those in the triangle but is really the healthy guy. She or he is operating in a healthy emotional state. This person takes responsibility for his or her own actions and choices, both healthy and unhealthy and accepts the consequences. The Healthy Bad Guy focuses on himself, and supports others without trying to “fix” or solve their problems. She or he has healthy boundaries and is honest with themself and others about their thoughts and feelings. They own their feelings and use “I” statements when communicating. When the Healthy Bad Guy tries to get out of the triangle, the person in the triangle will escalate their behavior to try to keep the Bad Guy in the triangle. It can be lonely and scary being the Healthy Bad Guy until newer healthier relationships emerge. The Healthy Bad Guy uses judgement about when it is safe to be assertive and when it is best to take care of himself by being quiet. The Healthy Bad Guy does not play games in order to manipulate getting strokes but is authentic in his or her feelings, words, and actions.

I’m guessing we all have someone in our life that operates in the Drama Triangle. It’s difficult to deal with and sometimes may seem like a losing battle so the easy thing to do is “give in” and join them. Sometimes, it’s learned and we are unaware we are even participating. It’s definitely not the healthy thing to do. As a consequence, your stress level, your emotions, your other relationships, your time, and even your health can be affected. The majority of individuals I help in my counseling and life coaching practice identify someone in their life that operates in the Drama Triangle. Once the individual is feeling confident and their self-acceptance increases it’s easier to set boundaries and be assertive with the person in the Drama Triangle. The Healthy Bad Guy is more aware of those who are unhealthy emotionally.  They make him or herself a priority in their life and is able to let go of the outcome/reaction of the unhealthy individual by not getting sucked into the Drama Triangle.

Most People With Anxiety Are “Pleasers”

Welcome to this week’s Just Be Mentally Free Minute For Anxiety…Today I am going to talk about being a “pleaser.” Being a pleaser is a major characteristic for someone who is suffering from anxiety and this can lead to being codependent. Bottom line is, when you are suffering from anxiety, you are living in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of how others perceive you, fear of causing a conflict, fear of being made fun of, fear of failure, fear fear fear. In order to compensate for these fears, we shove our needs aside, become “yes” people and pleasers.

As a result, we are indirectly telling ourselves, we are not important and our feelings just don’t matter. Well, you do matter and your feelings are important. So, recognize your pleasing behavior and start making yourself and your needs a priority. If you need help with this please contact me. Thanks for watching and remember, it’s my goal to help everyone live in peace that they deserve and JUST BE MENTALLY FREE!